To the men who are reading this article: There are a lot of women who are very unhappy with you. Really. I know, because as a dating coach, I hear women tell me all the time in the most exasperated tone: “How come I never meet a nice, normal guy? Why do I only get approached by creeps?” You’ve probably heard women say this yourself. So how would you respond to them? I’m guessing it’s something like: “Nice guys are afraid of rejection, don’t want to bother you when you’re out, and are generally more concerned with the consequences of being embarrassed than with actually meeting you.” It may be true, but, as truth goes, it’s a pretty sad state of affairs. What’s easy to forget is that most women want to be approached by you. By not approaching them, you’re letting them down and allowing the creeps to take their shot. Follow these lessons and the next time you’re out, maybe you’ll prove that nice guys don’t finish last. Lesson #1: Assume the answer is yes Have you ever been sold a product before? Hair tonic, a car, bathroom tile? I can guarantee you that the salesperson didn’t pitch you by saying, “Um, excuse me… I hate to bother you… would you be interested in… I mean, probably not, but—” No! Any salesman worth his commission is not just selling confidence in his product, but confidence in himself. “Confidence says I’m bright, I’m likeable, women have liked me in the past, I’m comfortable in my own skin,” says Victor, 38, a real estate broker. “Since she has to make a decision on the spot, confidence through nonverbal communication makes the best impression.” You can even “fake it ’til you make it” through these two very simple means: Smile and maintain eye contact. And remember: If you don’t know that you’re worth talking to, how would she know? Lesson #2: It’s not about you I’m out at a big Hollywood scene with beautiful people. It’s getting late, towards the end of the night, and I ask my buddy Terrance which woman he’s got his eye on. He points to an attractive brunette talking to a cute blonde across the courtyard. Slightly bemused, I tell him that I will make the introduction. As I stride over, I rationalize that if my approach doesn’t go well, she’s not really rejecting me, but rather, Terrance. I know this isn’t true, but it gets me going. I arrive while the women are in mid-conversation. I say nothing for a few seconds and when they both look at me, I chime in: “You guys just keep talking. I’ll interrupt when I’ve got something interesting to contribute.” And that was it. It wasn’t a line. It wasn’t planned. It just happened. After three minutes, Terrance came over, I made the introductions, and we both got phone numbers. The moral of the story? Playing my little conversational trick in all pick-up situations can be really helpful. Just ask any married friend how easy it is to talk with women when you know that there are no stakes involved. If it’s not about you, you can’t possibly fail. Lesson #3: There’s power in numbers Believe it or not, three is better than one. When you approach a woman who is by herself, she knows that you’re hitting on her based solely on your attraction to her. This increases the pressure in a way that doesn’t always make for a comfortable situation. That’s why the safest way to meet a woman is to approach her in a crowd of her friends. Now there’s no pressure, because nobody knows who you’re hitting on, and you can just be the friendly guy who’s chatting with everybody. “If you’re charming, funny or bright,” says Charles, 36, “she might find herself interested in you before you’ve expressed interest in her.” This tilts things in your favor, even to the point where you might be in control. “By charming her friends and getting their approval, the one you like will be that much more open when you ask her out,” adds Charles. Lesson #4: It’s just that easy If you ever doubt how simple it can be to meet a woman, this story should inspire you: I was at a party with some close friends and saw an acquaintance across the room. Late 30s, attractive, friendly, likeable. We’d met probably four times before through a mutual friend who was also at the party. When our eyes met, I smiled at her. She smiled back. Because it was a large and crowded room, I put out my index finger and beckoned her to come over to me. She sort of did a double take, smiled even more broadly and came right over. “Hi,” I said, warmly. “Hi,” she said, blankly. Then it hit me. “You have no idea who I am,” I said. “None whatsoever,” she replied. “It’s Evan. Evan Katz.” “Oh, yes — we’ve met! You cut your hair. I didn’t even recognize you.” She gave me a hug. But I had one more important question to ask her before we continued talking. “Is it really that easy to get a woman to talk to you… just by calling her over with your finger?” She took a second to consider the evidence and replied, “Apparently, it is.” So there you have it. We men have more power than we even realized. Lesson #5: The outcome doesn’t matter Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she’s just out of a relationship. Maybe she’s having troubles at work. Maybe she’s not perceptive enough to recognize your worth. You never know why someone may not be interested in you. Truthfully, it doesn’t matter. It’s more diminishing to your self-esteem to let fear run your life than it is to get rejected. Here’s one story below that showcases this in a big way. So I was in the checkout line at the grocery store, and I was waiting for a woman with 400 coupons. In the meantime, I was talking to the tall, raven-haired cutie behind me. We were making jokes, laughing, passing the time. All in all, a very pleasant five minutes of my life. The coupon lady finished up. I paid for my stuff, said goodbye to my new friend and rolled my cart out the door. The second I hit the fresh air, I was kicking myself: Dummy! Why didn’t you ask for her phone number? Because I got all embarrassed what with the other people in line and the woman swiping my bar codes. Because of all the other reasons that nice guys wimp out. I decided that this would not do. I was going to wait until she came out of the supermarket and ask her out. And that’s what I did. “Hey, it was a lot of fun meeting you in there,” I said to her as she emerged with her bags. “I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch sometime.” A big smile came across her face. “You are so cute and I couldn’t be more flattered, but I have a serious, live-in boyfriend. But I really want to thank you for asking. You totally made my day.” After she said goodbye, I went home, walking on air, so happy that I did it, instead of wishing I did it, like so many times before. It didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or if she was lying or being polite or whatever — all that mattered was that I took a big swing at the plate and even didn’t hurt myself in the process.

Men: 5 lessons for meeting more women

A new survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that one in five divorces cite Facebook activity as evidence of cheating, proof the spouse has gone crazy town, or documentation of irreconcilable differences. What? “He likes to play Farmville, I don’t know who he is anymore.” If only. Apparently, most of the problems seem to stem from people reconnecting with their old flames on the site and then flirtin’ it up. Hey, it was from Facebook chats with his mistress that Eva Longoria found out Tony Parker was unfaithful to her early on in their marriage (what led to Eva filing for divorce recently, though, was her finding flirty text messages on Tony’s cell phone). But seriously, checking out old crushes is, like, 50 percent of the reason I have a page! Although, sadly (for me), most of them are gay now. Womp-womp!

Facebook's New Function? Divorce!

By Lisa Daily George Clooney has yet to show up at my door, but after watching The Secret, I’m convinced he’ll be here any minute. In case you’ve been living on the moon for the past few months and haven’t heard of the global phenomenon that is The Secret, (http://www.thesecret.tv/) let me bring you up to speed. The Secret is a much-hyped film (and now a best-selling book) by Australian filmmaker Rhonda Byrne, based on a loose, new-age interpretation of the Law of Attraction which basically says that you have the power to bring love, wealth, movie stars and even thin thighs into your life. All you have to do is ask the Universe for what you want. And be ready. The Law of Attraction, simply stated, is “Like Attracts Like.” With regard to romantic relationships, if you believe most women are gold-diggers or that men are chronic cheaters, you’ll find yourself attracting more gold diggers and chronic cheaters. On the flip side, if you truly believe that you deserve to be in a great relationship, and that a fantastic person will come along, they will. According to the movie, all you need to do is this: Ask the Universe for what you want Believe that it is already yours Be ready to receive Online encyclopedia Wikipedia.org states, “The Law of Attraction simply says that people attract and manifest into their lives whatever they think about.” Byrne was inspired to produce the film after reading The Science of Getting Rich, a book written in 1910 by Wallace D. Wattles. I heard about it from the guy who does my highlights. And from Oprah. I must admit, The Secret was not a secret to me. I’d heard variations on this stuff since I was old enough to form words. My mother is a woo-woo person from way back who carried rocks in her pocket for energy, practiced Reike on me when I had strep throat, and said daily affirmations in the mirror as she smoothed on her Oil of Olay. Not surprisingly, given its grandiose claims and the quick-fix society we live in, The Secret has received a ton of media attention, some good, some skeptical. Most of the people I interviewed on the topic fell into two distinct camps: those who think The Secret works, and those who think it’s a bunch of baloney. Karin Klein, a reporter for the Los Angeles Times, says The Secret is “just a new spin on the very old” and decidedly not secret 1952 title The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale which posited the credo “ask and you shall receive.” Says Klein, Secret creator Rhonda Byrne “took the well-worn ideas of some self-help gurus, customized them for the profoundly lazy, [and] gave them a veneer of mysticism…” A Newsweek article criticizes The Secret for its shallowness. “On an ethical level, The Secret appears deplorable. It concerns itself almost entirely with a narrow range of middle-class concerns — houses, cars and vacations, followed by health and relationships, with the rest of humanity a very distant sixth. Even some of the major figures in the film confess to uneasiness with its relentless materialism.” But thousands, maybe millions of believers disagree. John Assaraf, founder of OneCoach and one of the teachers featured in The Secret, says using it helped him meet his wife. “I wrote exactly what I wanted in a partner on a piece of paper — all of the attributes, all of the compatibility factors: personality, likes, sex, everything. Within one week of moving to San Diego, I met my wife at the local gym. That was eight years ago. I used visualization and then I did one of the most important parts — I let it go to the Universe.” Does The Secret actually work? And can it work to help you find love? I think it does. If you think it does. I think most of the power of The Secret lies in whether or not you believe it. If you believe whole-heartedly that your perfect match is on his (or her) way, thanks to your Universal order form, you’re more likely to be positive, open, and conscious of what qualities are really important to you. All of which will help you to find a compatible mate, whether you believe in your mind’s ability to attract power boats and diamond tiaras or not. Dating coach Keri Newell (http://www.cantdatewithoutit.com) says, “You really have to put the principles into practice for ‘The One’ to appear. Make a list of the qualities you are looking for and be specific. If you don’t believe it, you’re not truly using the laws of attraction and it will not happen for you.” Amy Applebaum, author of the upcoming book, Bootcamp for Your Mind; 6 Steps to a Breakthrough says The Secret isn’t enough. “The Secret is great because it brings to our attention that in order for something to ‘show up’ in our lives — we must be thinking about it to attract it. However, thinking about a relationship, alone, won’t bring one into your life.” Online dating coach Beth Roberts used The Secret to meet her husband as well. “I’m an attorney and control is a big issue for me. I spent a year analyzing online ads to figure out how to attract a man with a strong personality who wasn’t intimidated by a woman with an equally strong personality. Once I created a wish list describing that person, the fifth man I met was my husband!” Lisa Nichols (http://www.lisa-nichols.com), one of the teachers quoted in The Secret, says, “The biggest myth people have about the Law of Attraction is that you simply ask for something, make a cup of tea, sit back, cross your legs, and just wait for the genie to appear, but this is not a passive process. There is no part about the Law of Attraction that says be still. You have to be in action about what you want. You’ve committed to creating something, and the Universe gives you the creative ideas and resources to act and make it happen.” According to Nichols, “When you bump into the right person at the right time, it’s up to you to follow up and call them back.” Nichols says, “Remember, the Law of Attraction is obedient to your thoughts. It is always working in your favor. Your job is to get ready.” Mr. Clooney, wherever you are, I’m ready.

The secret to meeting your husband

Recent research has just identified 15 occupations with an elevated risk of divorce. We were shocked to find that the list did not include professions like pro golfers, manufacturers of custom-made choppers, and North Carolina Senators turned Democratic presidential nomination candidates. We were also surprised at some of the jobs that did make the list. Here are the guys you want to steer clear of, according to the study out of Radford University in Virginia, in order of increasing risk of divorce: Maids and housekeeping cleaners Roofers Waiters Telemarketers Baggage porters and concierges Entertainers and performers, sports and related workers Nursing, psychiatric, and home health aides Telephone operators Factory workers: food and tobacco Gaming service worker Extruding machine operator Gaming cage worker Massage therapists Bartenders Dancers and choreographers So what you're telling us, Radford researchers, is that our dream of having a happy marriage with that guy who clocks in at a cigarette factory by day, bartends by night, and works in a gaming cage (??) on weekends will never come true?

Worst jobs to have when you're married

So you’ve been seeing this guy: he’s really handsome and fun, and seems to be into you. You think you may even be ready for that next step. But is he? Read on to find out if he’s set to be part of a twosome or if he’s not quite ready to commit. 5 signs he’s ready He uses the word ‘we’. He has future plans that involve you, beyond your Friday night dinner date. Whether it’s two tickets to a concert three months from now or discussing moving in together someday, when he speaks in first person plural, it shows he has you in mind as more than just a passing ship. He wants to get to know those closest to you. So your man is ready and willing to meet your parents, your best friend, Uncle Joe and Aunt May… By getting to know the important people in your life, it shows that he too wants to fall into that category. He takes initiative. There’s no waiting around for this one to return your calls or suggest you come up with an idea for (every) Friday night! If he’s the planning type and won’t leave you hanging, then he’s probably in it for the long-run. Most of his friends are in relationships. There may be something to worry about if all his buddies are single and spend their weekends drinking and on-the-prowl. On the other hand, if most of “the guys” are in committed relationships, it’s likely he wants to be part of the club, too. He’s independent. If he has his own place, a car or a stable career, this shows that he is a responsible guy and is ready to throw all his chips into a long-term relationship. 5 signs he’s not He hasn’t shared his feelings about you. We’re not even talking about professing his undying love to you. If he still hasn’t even said anything along the lines of “I care so much about you” or “I really enjoy spending time with you”, then you know he’s not ready for the next step. He hasn’t introduced you to any of his friends. The fact that he hasn’t introduced you to his buddies may imply he doesn’t think you’re as permanent in his life yet to warrant meeting those closest to him. You’re always the one calling him. If you’re the one always trying to reach him with little-to-no response and he never gets in touch with you—save for during random hours—then it shows his disrespect for you and essentially that he’s not ready to be in a relationship. He doesn’t open up. Communication is the key to any relationship. If he doesn’t tell you how his day went, doesn’t keep you posted on his weekend plans or can’t even turn to you when he’s down, then he’s evidently not set to be in a serious relationship quite yet. He doesn’t have any future plans. The plans don’t have to necessarily include you just yet—although if they do, that’s great! If he doesn’t have any long-term ambitions along the lines of buying a house and settling down someday and thinks more about traveling on his own for awhile or moving to a different city, then he’s still in single guy mode. That’s perfectly fine, but you shouldn’t have to stick around if you have other goals in mind.

Signs He’s Ready for a Relationship

We have been hitched for almost 10 years now, and until recently our number one piece of advice would have been: Don’t write about how to make your marriage divorceproof. It’s hubris! But we like to take risks (that’s piece of advice number two), so we knocked on wood, threw salt over our shoulders, and forged ahead with all the unstoppable energy that a couple with two kids under the age of five can muster. (Eating a pile of old Halloween candy helped, too.) Ultimately, we came up with this list of marriage rules and reminders—all of which, we hope, are cheaper and more fun than therapy. 1. Realize that if you can agree on what constitutes a clean room, you can agree on anything. If you are the kind of person who wants the vacuum tracks on the living-room carpet to last all week (as in, Jason), you need to understand that your spouse is physically unable to hover three inches off the floor when traveling from point A to point B. You may have to shoulder the burden of raking the shag rug twice a day yourself. Conversely, if you are the type of person who “gets around ” to wiping up a raw chicken–juice spill on the counter (for example, Sam), you should know that if you want to live with other humans, you need to surpass the hygiene standards of, say, the average fraternity-house bathroom. Fortunately, if you can compromise on the red hot–button subject of cleanliness, your marriage is unlikely to be thrown off course by comparatively less volatile topics, like politics, religion, and money. 2. If you’re irritated by your partner, imagine him as a small child. We know! You totally don’t want to try this! It sounds awful! (And maybe even not that much of a stretch.) But trust us—this is an amazing way to see him from a fresh angle. Here’s what to do: While your partner is puttering around and looking idle, imagine him at age five. Awww. Isn’t he adorable? And so smart! It’s easy to forget how appealing your spouse is when you are looking at him through a prism of all the chores that he has yet to accomplish (fixing the garage-door opener, booking the tree-removal service…we could go on). 3. No fisticuffs in public. Take this example: We were at a picnic with a group of friends when the wife of one of the couples present casually announced that she had bought their family a house. In another country. Without consulting the husband. He turned about 14 shades of red, and they began fighting at the top of their lungs. Cut to everyone else with their heads down, forensically examining their egg-salad sandwiches as though they contained the secrets of the human genome. You do not want to be That Couple Who Ruined the Otherwise Delightful Picnic. 4. Marry someone with a backbone who appreciates that you possess one of your own. That said, try to have bendy backbones if possible. Don’t attempt to win every argument and get your way all the time. Who could bear all that responsibility, anyway? Repeat this spouse-mollifying phrase after us: “Yes, honey, I will see the Transformers sequel on one of our precious and rare date nights. But on our next excursion, I get to choose a period piece featuring people in bonnets who churn their own butter.” 5. Procrastinate. Yes, we know things need to be done, but seriously. Put your BlackBerry away and stop worrying about the broken garage-door opener. Have dessert in lieu of dinner. Watch old John Hughes movies. Hold hands. There, aren’t they smoother than how you remembered them? 6. Have sex with each other. And if you can’t have sex with each other for some reason, let your spouse know that you are thinking about having sex with him and that you are looking forward to the next time you are both available for sex. Like, in 2012. Try sending a “sext”; apparently it’s all the rage. 7. Accept that everybody needs alone time. Sometimes your spouse needs to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes. Look, he’s not going to the bathroom the whole time; he’s trying to get away from you. And that’s OK. Maybe you’re being annoying. Sometimes you can be kind of annoying, you know. 8. If you have to fight, walk and fight. In our experience, arguments stem more from being cooped up together in tight quarters than from the issue at hand. Plus, getting fresh air is good for you, and it will give you more energy for No. 6. (Hey, everyone knows that makeup No. 6 is the best kind.) 9. Let your spouse in on 90 percent of your day-to-day routine. Save the other 10 percent for your bathroom time. Sam, for example, will never allow Jason to see her lurching to put on a pair of panty hose, and he never wishes for her to see him struggling to shave the back of his neck. It’s those small things that keep the mystery alive. 10. When you buy gifts for each other, give them at least a full minute of thought. Sam’s mother once gave her partner a giant meat grinder for Christmas so that he (an extremely reluctant cook) could make her tastier hamburgers. In our opinion, gifts that require someone to perform a household task don’t count as gifts. A present should convey the message “I love you, but most of all, I get you.” (Yes, that’s a tough sentiment to express with a big-box–store gift card. Ahem.) Like playing chess or figuring out Facebook privacy settings, delighting a longtime spouse is a genuine challenge—which (duh) is what makes it worth the effort.

10 Ways to Make Your Marriage Divorceproof

Another day, another crop of online dating profiles to annoy the crap out of me. I don’t enjoy online dating much in that so far it’s been pretty unsuccessful, but I sure do love reading online dating profiles. This time, I decided to take a break from perusing profiles for guys who’ve given themselves weird nicknames and specify they’re only interested in younger women, to study what my fellow female online daters are up to. I have to say, I am impressed. I have some stiff competition, at least in the New York area—attractive, funny, witty, smart, sassy ... Seriously, I was ready to message at least a handful of these chicks to see if they’d want to be besties. After skimming dozens and dozens of profiles written by women, it’s clear that men are the ones who need the most help when it comes to attracting women online. Still, I did see a few glaring DON’TS being committed by the ladies, so let’s learn from them, shall we? Here’s how to make sure your profile is a cut above the rest. 1. Close Your Mouth: The most common terrible profile photo facial expression is, of course, duck face and I think we can all agree that it needs to be eliminated off the face of the earth. But the second most common terrible profile facial expression is the wide-open mouth. Like “The Scream.” Or seconds before a blow job. I don’t get it. Do you think your tonsils are sexy? I don’t want to see the white plaque buildup on your tongue and I’m pretty sure the fellas don’t either. Let’s keep our mouths shut in photos, shall we? 2. If You’re Shallow, Your Respondents Will Be Too: Only more so, because they’re men. One profile I came across started out her “About Me” section with three long paragraphs about how hot she is, what her dress size is, and what her physical requirements are in a dude. Now, having preferences is normal, certainly, but if you make it clear that your looks are the best thing about you and that the thing you care most about in a partner is how he looks, the only dudes who will be interested are a bunch of meathead-y losers who will break up with you the second you gain an ounce. If you’re going to be shallow, be more subtle about it, that way you attract someone who meets your physical “standards” but isn’t a total d**kwad. 3. Cool It!! With The Excessive EXCLAMATION Points And ALL CAPS!!: Because it makes you sound immature and potentially DUMB and definitely annoying. Chances are you’re not! Or maybe you ARE! But you want to hide that, right?!! 4. Just Say No To Sepia: I’ve noticed that a significant amount of women post photos of themselves that are sepia-toned. Why? Are you trying to hide the fact that you have an uneven skin tone or acne? It’s not 1892. Color photos only, please. 5. Naturally Quirky Is Good; Trying Too Hard To Be Different Is Annoying: Sure, you absolutely want your profile to describe your interests and what your sense of humor is like. That’s why a combination of being straight-up sincere, while still funny and approachable, is the perfect balance. However, many online daters (men and women) take the “here are my quirks” thing too far. Explaining that you “usually don’t wear shoelaces, but if I do, they are pretty much always untied,” is adorably random, while writing your entire profile in a weird hybrid of English and some language you made up yourself is f**king weird. 6. Don’t Over-Think It: Remember, your profile is the first impression you’re making before someone ever speaks to you, let alone meets you in person for a first date. And what kind of person do you like to go on first dates with? Kind, smart, attractive, yes, but also fun. So when you’re writing your profile, don’t over-think it—you can convey you’re smart without listing every obscure book you’ve ever read or laying out your perspective on the last 20 years of American history. You can get to that on date number two. For now, when writing your profile, don’t be too analytical. You’re trying to get a date, not pass the bar exam. 7. SEXXXY Usernames Have Got To Go: You may very well be a sexy broad. I don’t know because I don’t know you. But what I do know is that if you have some version of the word “sexy” in your profile name you will attract sleaze balls who only want to put it in your butt. 8. Wipe Away Your Tears: Don’t advertise that you “cry a lot.” Dudes hate crying. They’ll put up with it if you’re their girlfriend, but we’re not there yet, are we? Follow these rules and you might just meet someone awesome. At the very least, you’ll have a gal like me admiring your profile and wishing we were friends. And that’s awesome.

8 Big Mistakes Women Make On Their Online Dating Profiles